When trying for a baby, waiting can be very difficult.  This past season of life has proved to be a time of gentle pruning and sanctification.  As we still continue to wait on God's timing and purposes in this area, I have been shown great wisdom in how to wait.

Our story started right after I graduated from college.  While on a summer project trip to Toulouse France, I realized that my period had ceased from coming.  This I'm sure is every woman's dream, but in reality it was a little nerve wracking.  Six months went by with no flow.  My mother intervened and dragged me to the doctor.  Multiple ultrasounds, MRI's, and CT scans later, the diagnosis was stress.  What I have realized now is that there was indeed another underlying cause.  PCOS.  My cycles have always been a little irregular, my body is not overweight or underweight, and my bloodwork is normal.  But give me an ultrasound and you will see the "string of pearls" all over my ovaries.  And on to birth control I go.

Fast forward.  The hubby and are now married 2 years and decided we'll discontinue the pill.  {Note:  I'm not a huge fan of the pill on a number of different levels and at this point, today, I'd rather try other means to not only regulate my cycle but to prevent pregnancy if needed.  Too bad my body already does this on it's own!}  We discontinue.  After 6 months I've only had 2 periods.  Off to my PCP for help.  After perusing my history we get the pink slip straight to the Infertility Specialist.  Feeling good, off we go.  

We try clomid first.  Unfortunately my ovaries decide to do nothing.  Unresponsive.  We try it again, maxing out to the highest dose, vision disturbances occur.  Ovaries are still stubborn.  They call this "clomid resistant."  All the while, the hubby is checked, he it turns out has rock star numbers.  At least it's only one of us!

Moving forward we try Gonadotrapins, specifically Follistim.  First round, almost overstim and we do an IUI.  Unsuccessful.  We try again.  Overstim and take a month off.  FAIL.  Although, because I was ovulating this technically does not qualify as failing.  We take a break.  Think over our options and head to a new doctor.  This time to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  Excited to try something new, we try our hand at Femara.  FAIL again. It's too much.  We didn't throw in the towel but we decided to cease treatment.

Having been at this trying/medical thing for almost 2 years, it really was time for a break.  I will not lie, this entire process is emotionally, physically, and financially draining.  And at the end of the day one truth we continue to hang onto, is that we are not in charge.  There is only one who can create life and His name is Lord, Jehovah Jireh, King of Kings.  Until He does this incredible work of knitting together a child in my womb or moving our hearts toward adoption, we'll wait.  Expectantly on Him.

As of the new year, I'm on cycle day 90+ and still waiting for aunt flo.  We tried Vitex and after some prompting from the Lord we headed back to the Dr. in April of 2011. While on our 9 month break I was given Metformin by my PCP to try and regulate my cycle.  It worked and in April we found out that not only had I ovulated but that we were expecting.  The Lord took our baby home almost as soon as we found out.  We were ecstatic with the news of my body reacting so well and saddened by our loss.  We tried Femara again in May, found out we conceived again, but just found out we miscarried again at 7 1/2 weeks.  We have found ourselves waiting, holding firm to a hand that never let's go, and we have been hopeful, that one day a life will be created and sustained. 

Here are some reflections on the entire process from start to finish, in no particular order:

Didn't think it would end this way

Infertility never seems to fade into the background. But we're happy to write that we're expecting our first and the post celebrating this little one is here: And Then Came You

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”
Romans 15:4


  1. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story and for giving people hope. I miscarried at 7 1/2 weeks on Monday and have found so much peace in your journey and bible verses. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.