gona-what?!?

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, sho does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 4:4-7

I'm thankful for friends who are helping me pull through.  I'm thankful for a tender and caring husband who is learning that just being there is enough.  I'm thankful for my mother and the words she speaks about God's goodness.  I'm thankful for doctors who are forging ahead, not dwelling on things that don't work and not wasting our money.  I'm thankful for all of my friends that are pregnant right now (which is a lot)...don't ever believe the lie that I am not happy for you...I am!  I'm thankful that my God is SOVEREIGN, GOOD, LOVING, and that His will is always PERFECT.

The reason I have been sharing our struggle with fertility is because of how blessed I have been by the wisdom, insight, and care from others.  It seems a little bit more normal then, not like the elephant in the room that no one is asking about.  Also I know people are interested...even if they do not admit it.  And finally, because when I hear, read, am invited in to share in others' struggles I am almost always blessed myself.  I could not go through this alone and if I did the pit would be beckoning me every step of the way.  You, friends, have pointed me to the  cross and for that I am so very thankful.

It's not an easy struggle...but the Lord gives life.  He alone creates children and I believe wholeheartedly in a God who incredibly Sovereign, even in things that do not seem to make sense.  Even if we are never able to have our own children.  Even if he takes Alex away. 

To give you a brief glimpse of where we are...clomid did not work.  Ovaries are still stubborn and unwilling to ovulate.  So we are moving on.  The greatest blessing this week was that we are not so far away from meeting our deductible so the next 4 cycles of treatment will be paid for 100%.  That is a huge blessing.  We're moving on to Gonadotraphins.  Here's to 2010:)  Cheers!

{reposted from  12/18/09}