The days are filled with a million little choices. Some are fleeting, while others build foundations. The depths of our souls are made known in everyday actions.
This morning, upon rising, we were met with the beauty of snow covered branches. And our day of a million little choices began. To accept or complain.
As I took Elizabeth to the window she was fixated, staring out at the beauty. I had two choices and my mouth spoke…"Look, Elizabeth. Isn’t the snow beautiful. God made the snow.” Because spring will come in time, but He holds the storehouses in His hands. And He gives His children GOOD things.
Thankfulness flooded my heart that this time I was not prone to complain. That my response did not sound like “Ugh. Snow again. When will spring come.” Because that response only echo's a discontentment with the gifts from the Giver. I’m so far from getting it right, mind you. But my heart overwhelmingly wants her to know of His goodness. Wants her to see beauty in the unexpected. Wants her to welcome good gifts in all their seasons.
As a mother I’m quickly realizing the magnitude these little choices hold. I’m fallen. I’ll never get it right. Never do it perfectly. But as I figure out my role and the influence it holds, I’m ever more cautious with my tongue, with those choices entrusted to me.
It begins with the dawn and ends with the night, ever cyclical, and I can’t shake the reality that day in and day out I’m helping mold a little mind. My little disciple follows me about all the day on hands and knees, already mimicking the sounds and sights she sees. Feasting her eyes on the world, learning what she can expect. Will she expect spring to follow winter or will she expect the falling of snow to cease on March 1st? Because spring will come. Will she expect to have all she wants or will she expect that she will have all she needs? Because He gives us all we need. And the thoughts go on through my mind.
Willing my heart to expect what is spoken in the Book and not the thoughts amongst the world all around. Praying for little expectation regarding the circumstances around me. For expectations are a funny thing. They can bring so much joy and so much sorrow. I’ve been learning a valuable lesson through the years on expectations.
The less I expect from the fallen world around me and the more I trust His sovereignty, the more joy that will fill my heart.
It seems like so long ago that a lesson was taught to my heart full of disappointment. Fewer expectations bring more joy. Seemed backward at the time. Seemed silly to not expect people to do certain things. To not expect the weather to change. To not expect the world to go exactly the way that I anticipated it should.
I can see my pride ever before me. Those respectable sins.
In the beginning, I admit, the letting go came purely out of the thought that if I let go of expectations then I’ll be disappointed less often. This truly is the case. But it was less of a God thing and more of a selfish, I-don’t-want-to-hurt kind of thing.
But as He taught me little by little, a million little choices at a time, to instead look up, to trust Him, to see the joy in the everyday, the reason behind my thinking began to change and joy began to replace the disappointment. And not only did He reveal this through His word, He kept refining the work by walking me through trial after trial. Helping me make peace with the past. Helping me think of things in a way that glorifies.
I won’t expect my dad to be someone and something that he isn’t.
I won’t expect my husband to know what I’m thinking or to read my mind.
I won’t expect Elizabeth to sleep the same way everyday or always obey.
I won’t expect that the weather will change when I’m ready for it to.
And the list goes on.
Because how can I expect perfection from the fallen.
A million little choices face me everyday. Face us all.
And a little one is watching.
So is the world.
What will they see?