Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Infertility never goes away

It’s national infertility awareness week and you know by now I never let this go by without a post. It’s too important. To me and to others.

You might wonder at the title of this post given that we have an almost 2 year old daughter and another miracle baby on the way. You may wonder how I can even make that statement or associate myself with the infertile.

But I can. As Joni Mitchell would say, “I've looked at life from both sides now,” the side of infertile and waiting and the side of being a mother and getting pregnant like a “normal” person. And there’s heartache on both sides.

Here’s one fact I can tell you…there will always be someone hurting when another gets pregnant. Whether you’re waiting to ever get pregnant or waiting for the Lord to give you your fifth, the emotions of jealousy, hurt, pain, dissatisfaction, and disappointment are almost always there. It doesn’t go away.

As an infertile woman I sat with one of my closest friends right after we miscarried for the second time and she told me that she got pregnant on the pill on her honeymoon. And after three years all we could do was look at each other with tears in our eyes and pray.

Because the ways of the Lord are unknown to us and He holds life in His hands.

And as a woman sitting with a child and getting pregnant totally by surprise, there were friends that were hurt that we weren’t necessarily trying for  more children and they wanted more than what they had and it wasn’t working.

Because the ways of the Lord are unknown to us and He holds life in His hands.

I never thought I would experience both sides. Being the one feeling hurt and being the one “causing” the hurt. And from both sides I can tell you that no matter what 10 ways you hear on how to break the news, there’s never a perfect way. Because in the end you are dealing with a person’s emotions. Someone is always going to feel hurt. Because we’re imperfect people.

When hard things hit, where do you go? When the Lord asks you to wait, how do you respond? When the Lord does something over the top for someone else, how do you rejoice?

Or don’t you?

Infertility is unique in that parenthood seems to be a normal expectation of what is next in one’s life. And when it doesn’t come as we expect it to, we can grow bitter, jealous, and frustrated with those around us. This isn't just an observation, I know it for a fact because I’ve been there. I’ve coveted something that wasn’t promised to me. And I’ve felt every one of those emotions.

But in the same way it isn’t unique. Infertility is something that has been endured since Biblical times. It’s not new, it’s a product of the fall. Our bodies don’t work perfectly and things don’t go the way we expect or imagine. It’s suffering. And there’s a good way to suffer and a bad way.

Infertility never goes away for the infertile because in the waiting God does the amazing. If you let Him, He will grow you closer than never before. If you let Him carry the burden, He will be nearer to you than the air you breathe. Infertility and loss are a part of our story. They’re part of our girls story. They’re part of the chapter God’s writing for us and in writing those pages He satisfied our hearts.

Infertility never goes away but the preciousness of where we’ve come because of it is worth more than thousands of gold and silver.


Because the ways of the Lord are unknown to us and He holds life in His hands.


It is good for me that I was afflicted,

that I might learn your statutes.

The law of your mouth is better to me

than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

psalm 119: 71-72

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