Just so you know, this life you see here is just a brief glimpse into our lives. I rarely have it together, our house is cluttered, most days showering happens in the afternoon, and to be honest too much real life is happening behind the scenes to make it on the page.
So much is going on around us, in our little sphere of close friendships, that sometimes it just feels nice to take a breather and talk about soft soap and pretty tea cups. It hit me the other day that we’re going to say good-bye to someone we really care about in just a short time. Not good-bye like they are going to come back in some amount of time, but good-bye as in, heaven awaits them.
And in thinking over the past 6 years and their presence in our lives as a family, my heart just couldn’t hold the emotions in. Because I remember. I remember what it’s like to get a phone call that lets you know you’re whole world is being shaken. Know how hard it is to take in the words conveying how many months are predicted for life. I can remember the stop of my heart as the words sunk in. I remember the days following, and months of visiting, and just trying to soak in every moment together. There is nothing easy about walking towards death.
And all the emotions have been hitting me full force as I not only remember the months before the Lord took my step-father, the only living parent to my step-siblings, the only early loss I’ve walked alongside, but all the emotions I’m feeling for these close friends. And although life has been long and lived for glory, there’s still an ache for the days to come.
This year seems to have been full of loss or heartache, in different ways, for those we know and live life with. And I fear that within me, because I don’t always know the way to react or the words to say, I want to just run away. Throw my hands into the task at hand and ignore the hurts around me. But I can’t. The Spirit’s rising up in me and whispering enter in.
Enter in to the heartache, hold hands, cry together, show your love.
I don’t feel like I can just send a card. I can’t say the right thing. I can’t work it right. But I can give of myself. Of our family. To care and to love.
So that’s what we’re doing. We’re entering in and grieving alongside.
Asking and praying for an alternative and at the same time for the gates of glory to come quickly. Hard to know really what to pray.