In Search of Mommy

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking these past couple of months. Watching myself for signs of postpartum, taking note of where I'm at and most of all trying to communicate well just what I need.

I have a bit of a give too much personality and then get super frustrated that no one is taking care of me. If I'm honest, it's just a sign that I need to start taking a bit more care of me.

I really do adore motherhood, even the not so fun parts, but after Meghan arrived I realized just how sacrificial motherhood can be. And while I'm all for sacrificing, I'm also all for making sure the sacrificer is well tuned as well. Life with two little ones caught me off guard a bit. I lost a bit of my mobility during the day, I get out less because Meghan won't take a bottle, and as an introvert there's just less time, less quiet, and fewer opportunities to recharge. It seems just as one falls asleep the other wakes and my daily temptation is to whine, stomp my feet and bang my head on the wall because I just need a bit of breathing room.

Alex often is the one to speak truth to me. The outsider who can see just what needs to be done. He's never failed to offer up any option to make the hard days easier. He's open to just about anything...going back to work, putting the kids in daycare/preschool, cleaning service, babysitters, you name it. Because most of all he wants a fulfilled and less stressed wife. Happy would also be a bonus.

Last month he told me flat out to stop martyring myself. But that's what we good mothers often believe. That we have to give and sacrifice, and put everyone first before ourselves. But I'm still not quite certain that's true or really even good for anyone.

So while I know I'm in the trenches with our youngest still under one, but we've been planning and putting into place some things to help make life better for all of us.

Meghan under went a frenectomy the other day for a very significant tongue and lip tie in hopes that nursing and taking a bottle may get easier. After 24 hours things are markedly better. Elizabeth is signed up for two morning preschool for the fall. Right now she's in childcare for MOPs and BSF so it won't be any more time really for her and the bonus will be that she will have more consistency. I'm still debating what I will do but I may just find joy in having 2 mornings alone with a napping Meghan to spend taking care of our house and myself. We enlisted the help of a cleaning service once a month to help keep tackle the deep clean items. And I've been trying to pull back and really focus on my New Years goals which really have made things better.

Even just our short night out last night as a couple to enjoy some good food and jazz helped me de-stress. And I've finally come to realize that putting myself and my marriage at the forefront really is better for all of us. 

So I'm curious how do you take care of yourself?

Giveaway winner

On this super cold morning, picking a winner for the giveaway was a treat. Winning comment was #6, belonging to…

Crystal Bowers!

 

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

6

Resolutions for the New Year

 

*Last day to enter to win the movie “The Promise”…enter here!”

discipline & intentionality

Today we spent the morning putting away Christmas and getting things back in order. The New Year always reminds me of the third trimester of pregnancy. Nesting instinct goes crazy trying to purge and organize. With all the chaos and mess and fun and joy of Christmas, the New Year always makes me want to put things back into order.

I’ve spent the past few weeks reflecting a bit on 2014…the year we started thinking we’d always be a family of three and ended as a family of four. The year of my last positive pregnancy test, my last pregnancy, giving birth to my last baby, the last newborn snuggles. So much joy intermixed with so much sanctification. There’s nothing like having a baby to show you who you really are. I remember so many years ago it seems praying as we waited that God would grove our family because we needed more sanctification. Truly I did. And we’re in it. Being more sanctified than ever as we face our full out selfishness. And now 2015 is beginning.

I’m not one to make resolutions because I know they won’t fully be fulfilled. Instead I just make note of some areas I’d like to improve on and leave it at that. On top of that for the past couple of years I have chosen a word to guide my year. In 2013 it was grace. 2014 was prudence. And 2015 is DISCIPLINE.

Since 2013 I can truly say that I have grown in the areas of grace and prudence. Maybe not enough for others to notice but enough to impact our little family and our home. And for 2015 I hope to grow in discipline. Particularly in reference to our home, to my mothering, and in being present. I’ve found this past year that there are so many times I just want to hide away. The first 6-12 months of having a baby are SO hard for me. Give me all your 2-4 year olds and I will happily enjoy them. But this two kid thing…it’s been a sanctifying and soul stretching endeavor. The lyrics “I need thee every hour…” have been sung in this house more than ever lately. I realized slowing down when I want to speed up and finish something already is just what the doctor ordered. My get out of the house and push through has been replaced with stay home and push through. I’ve had to reorder a few things, reconfigure normal, and to be honest, it’s been hard for me.

So in 2015 I’m striving for discipline and intentionality. Sometimes I find that I’m too spread out…too many things I want to learn about, grow in, and conquer that instead of finishing anything, they all get done half-heartedly. So I’ve narrowed the focus, honing in on what I really want to accomplish, and will be praying to that end. That the Lord will grow me in discipline and intentionality for His glory and for the good of my family and my home.

So here are some of the improvement areas I’m focusing in on:

The Girls

-memorizing verses with Elizabeth

-reading her Bible with her and praying with her

-creating a more structured learning/art time by planning in advance

-starting some chores around the house (with a chore chart)

-continuing to be flexible when it comes to Meghan and her “schedule” – something that is so different the second time (for the better)

-Get outside this winter every day that it is 30 degrees or above.

Our House

-get back into having a better cleaning schedule

-continue with my monthly meal planning

-have some restraint with purchases and be more discerning about what comes in

ME

-prioritize time in the word and finishing my BSF study. I have plenty of time to finish this but I happen to be the queen of procrastination and super good at finishing under pressure. Instead I’d rather find the time daily to do each day so that I can actually enjoy studying instead of rushing through it. My mentor is holding me accountable for this one and because I know what my days look like, I’m not giving myself the excuse that two small children make it difficult.

-get off my phone. I’ve decided phones are the stay at home moms way to zone out/catch a break. Enough said.

-start using my sewing machine again, read more, and learn about oils/use oils on a more regular basis

Family

-continue with once a month kid fun days

-dates with Elizabeth

-movie nights

-be intentional

-serve together. we are thinking of doing meals on wheels as a family and trying to participate as we can in the Big Serve opportunities at our church.

Marriage

-we used to go out and then we had another baby. go out more together and plan intentional time to spend together at home post-bedtime.

-pray together more often (a goal of both of ours)